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Psychology Post #5 Under the hood

I have always felt a little closer to a walking machine than to a human being. Because deep down inside I believe that there is a pattern with everything. I just have to generalize the parameters with the values and if I happen to work hard enough I might actually end up with an algo to help me live life?… I look at everything in relation to these algos…which are forever in the developing stage …


How to extract maximum information from a situation, try to see from different perspectives, fit into different shoes? It sounded pretty obvious for the 12-year old me back then, it was later that I realized that it was not the norm to see through others perspectives and it came naturally for me? Well, I am a kinda oddball, I’ll take up on that later …

So why perspectives? I strongly believe that those skills are developed only when the need arises. Well, for starters, for me what I consider the most important is *information*. And if I deduce that I don’t have enough of it, I would feel agitated? So my greatest fear is to end up in a situation for which any algo generated, when applied gives just too many results because of the heavily fluctuating parameters included in the algo, or In other words when I don’t know what is gonna happen … that was some fancy way of putting it was it not?


I know and accept that not all situations can be solved/lived by an algo/fool-proof-plan… But there are certain cases where you can just copy paste code from places (learn from others mistakes ) or just have it the easy way out and call that predefined function like qsort() from the library and go about with your other jobs for which you need the sort() method… And if all else fails, then drop everything and pray to God cause that in a way that kinda happens to help you to productively use the “fight-flight-freeze-fawn” response [acute stress response] which is normal or so I have heard when you are in a pinch?


So given this I have managed to develop a few algos over the years of careful observations, a few of these methods are hard coded and a few others are just add-ons…and a few plugins, And whatever else I was able to add since my base classes were being overridden at a drastic rate, And I recently realized that I had made a few fatal mistakes???

Basically since the day I could remember, human interactions can be broadly classified into 4 types: I guess you will be familiar with this…**with/without parameter and return type** classification of method calling, (Ofc at that time I didn’t use the jargon only recently I realized that I was implementing the concepts without being aware of it ?? )The parameters and the return types belong to the same domain (at least it has… from what I have managed to observe)… As in they can be same or different and mainly can or may contain actions, situations, or just their very instantiation…like constructors for example … (I think I am starting to rant, I might put this under rant post cause it is not making sense just like Ghost copy of my mind in work in progress?… *sigh)

ಠ , ಥ

The point I am trying to say is, that (might be that) my algos which I thought were machine independent actually proved to be otherwise, they happened to be machine dependent, And I was trying to reprogram it at the machine level since I thought that was where I should start. And as we all know how interesting machine level coding is… As in you just won’t have any idea as to what you are doing (and if you are denied the rights to manipulate then there is definitely a good reason behind it ??)

So When I started to ignore these warning messages and just dived In blindly to reprogram the stupid machine dependent algo( that I so haughtily created and preserved like the treasure it was supposed to be…??) I successfully *sarcasm* managed to override a few classes of functions that were absolutely necessary for normal human interactions… I guess you can refer to this state of being emotionally stripped and being extremely sensitive to everything around you???

When this happened not long back, I was thinking of finding a reset button, that button that could just help you revert back to things before you started making one of those cascading mistakes? Because I knew I was messed up and almost hopeless. It was either that or I could have just moved on acting like the newly formed bugs are the new features of the slowly evolving machine …

Though the way I approach life with all its *$&*# is a little different from the normal people my age, though the end results were almost the same, in fact, it happened to be one of the best cases in this experiment I read during that phase of my life? This was when I started reading on psychology rather than waiting for it to sweep me off my feet all over again. I wanted to be armed.

After all, it is better to have it and not want it rather than to not have it and want it!!!

I just hope I don’t get schizophrenia!


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