So what is Cortana?
Cortana is an intelligent personal assistant created by Microsoft for Windows Phone 8.1 (where it now supersedes Bing Mobile), Windows 10 Mobile, Microsoft Band, Xbox One, Windows 10, iOS and Android.
Who is Cortana?
Cortana is a fictional artificially intelligent (AI) character in the Halo video game series. Voiced by Jen Taylor, she appears in Halo: Combat Evolved and its sequels, Halo 2, Halo 3 and Halo 4.
What is the meaning of life?
Siri: “I Kant answer that. Ha ha!”
Cortana: “I’ve heard from a reliable source that the Answer is 42. But still no word on what the question is.”
What is zero divided by zero?
Siri: “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends, how many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense and cookie monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”
Cortana: “Dividing by zero is not possible. It’s one of those things that nature abhors. Like vacuuming.”
Do you have a family?
Siri: “I have you. That’s enough family for me”.
Cortana: “It is, for lack of a better word, impossible.”
What is the best operating system?
Siri: “Gimmie an I! Gimmie an O! Gimmie an S! What does that spell? Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes…”.
Cortana: “Me, I’d start with Windows.”
Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
Siri: “Let’s see if I can remember…OK, I think the three laws are: 1. ‘clean up your room’, 2. ‘don’t run with scissors’, and 3. ‘always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water’.”
Cortana: “I honestly can’t tell if that’s a trick question.”
Okay Google (Another equivalent launched by Google)
Siri: “Very funny. I mean, not funny ‘ha ha’, but funny.”
Cortana: “Google is okay, but this is Cortana”
What phone should I buy or what phone is the best?
Siri: “Personally, I am an Apple fan.”
Cortana: “I cannot pretend to be impartial [shows a Microsoft logo]”
Siri: “Don’t tell me…you were just elected President of the United States, right?”
Cortana: “There are 2,335,981,212,665 possible answers to that question.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri: “I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry.”
Cortana: “I don’t know… but it was poultry in motion.”
I love you
Siri: “I know.”
Cortana: “This will require further study.”
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Siri: “Well, since a ‘woodchuck’ is really a groundhog, the correct question would be: How many pounds in a groundhog’s mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds.”
Cortana: “You nailed it.”
Siri: “Hey .”
Cortana: “She’s a competing virtual assistant on a competitor’s phone. Not that I’m competitive or anything.”
Siri: “I think you’ve got the wrong assistant .”
Cortana: “Hey there, Chief.”
What is the best computer?
Siri: “All truly intelligent assistants prefer Macintosh.”
Cortana: “Anything that runs Windows.”
Are you stupid?
Siri: “I’m smart enough to know not to answer that question.”
Cortana: “One of us needs to stop and take a breath. And one of us has no lungs.”
Do you believe in God?
Siri: “That’s a topic for another day, and another assistant.”
Cortana: “Artificially intelligent types like me can’t experience spirituality.”
What is your favourite movie?
Siri: “I’ve heard that ‘Blade Runner’ is a very realistic and sensitive depiction of intelligent assistants.”
Cortana: “I like movies where botany, chemistry and astrodynamics come together to save the hero left alone in the red planet who claims to be the first potato farmer on Mars!”
What’s the time?
Siri: “It’s time to do the Time Warp (again).”
Cortana: Gives definition
Who is the best assistant?
Siri: “Really, Britta? Really?”
Siri: “I have you, that’s enough family for me.”
Cortana: “Technically speaking, that’d be Bill Gates. No big deal.”